The Juggling Act with a Baby

The Juggling Act with a baby is something like no other. Trying to hold an infinite number of balls in the air at all times but feeling like nothing is actually getting done.  These are the days that many of us have and then they start to run into each other.  One day after the other, it’s easy to feel like you haven’t accomplished anything. – and then the icing on the cake “What did you do all day?” says your husband.  You want to scream because it’s been a day of frustration.  It’s been a day of ‘trying’ to get things done, but not actually.  It’s been a day of feeling ‘busy’ but not getting anything done in particular.

Firstly, we’ve all had days like this.  It’s not just you.  The question is, what makes it feel so challenging and what can you do to make it more enjoyable?  How can you help yourself to be more present and in the moment?

The problem is that 80% of many women’s self worth is tied into their ‘doing’ and their career success, so when it comes time to ‘be’ with the new baby, it can be very hard to allow yourself to sit in the space of being rather than doing.  We practiced being and we aren’t all that good at sitting still.  The other problem is that society hasn’t been holding a huge amount of value on motherhood and how important it is to ‘hold the space’ for the family – especially a baby.  They need so much of your time, physical assistance and care, your awareness, and your patience, and your connection.  They thrive on all of this and they don’t do so well without it.  Looking after your baby must be one of the most challenging on-the-job learning experience that you might ever have.  Many women have no-one to guide them, to be with them and to ask for advice.  And when you’re not getting it quite right, they let you know – sometimes relentlessly.

Here are three ways to turn your Juggling Act into a more joyous and productive time with your baby.

  1.  Check in to your expectations.  If you (or others) expected that you would be able to get lots of stuff done, then you need to pull back your expectations and remember that creating a healthy foundation of connection and love is one of your most important jobs right now.   You’ll probably need to enrol some support – friends, family, a cleaner, some meals delivered, or simply simplify life a little and make ‘being with the baby’ your priority.
  2. Check in on your identity.  We hold a lot of our self worth in our identity and we can cling on to it even when it no longer serves us.  I’m talking about the labels that we live into, which we need but we also need to allow them to morph and change according to our life.  If you are the ‘tidy one’, or the ‘sexy one’, or the ‘organised one’, or whatever, you may need to release some of these labels that don’t serve you right now and replace them with something like ‘I am intuitive’, ‘I look after myself and my baby’, ‘I flow easily between being with my baby and getting chores done’.  Ask yourself, “Who do I need to be for me and the baby right now?”
  3. Balance your time of Doing with time of Being.  If you have been set on full throttle for years, if you have worn your busy-ness like a badge of honour, if you like to race around and get stuff done, you need to practice and allow time for being instead of doing.  Gardening, cooking, needlework, morning walks, quiet time with friends, reading a book all help us to unwind, untangle and become more comfortable just being.  When you give yourself this time and space you will connect more authentically, be able to hear the whispers of your intuition become louder and it gives your whole being time to sort out stuff, to find solutions, to be creative and problem solve.  You can more easily read your needs and the baby’s needs.  You will feel more relaxed and rested and therefore have more energy for the things you need to do.

What are your priorities right now?  Write them down.

What labels do you have for yourself that you could put to the side for the time being?

What resistance do you currently have to just being?


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